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First Fox Post

This is the post excerpt.

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Hello All,

 

First of all you’ve stumbled across my ramblings so congratulations on finding me. A little bit about me: I’m a mother, animal lover, performer of concerts in my car and a square peg in a round hole.I like foxes and love Halloween. I live with my son, three cats and some dude I met at a bar(aka the boyfriend). For all purposes this blog will be about an array of things. I feel like this is a good stopping point for a first entry so I’ll leave you with this lovely picture below:

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Little fox in the city Part 1

Hello from NYC!!!

That’s right I made it and yesterday being the first day of exploration I may have crashed super hard before being able to share anything haha

So first off I’m going to admit I legit thought I might get sick while the plane was taking off because I was so anxious and excited. The plane ride wasn’t long and it went so much smoother than I originally thought it would .

We hit up the city as soon as we checked in. We went and saw Lady Liberty, Ellis Island and walked all over. The sounds and sights are like a whole other world. So many new foods just in day one! Stay tuned for more updates and pictures to come

 

T-minus infinity seconds

Time is dragging right now. I have a real problem today. I can NOT focus. I’m almost done with the first half of my day and my vacation brain is off the rails. I feel like I’m humming with invisible energy to blast out of my chair and take off to start vacation as soon as I punch that time clock. I’m going to try and keep blogging while on vacation but I can’t make any promises. I will definitely be excited to share my experience with you all. Here’s some great memes about being impatient:

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Removing the habit

It’s going to be a long post, it’s not a light topic either. I have honestly debated on whether I should share it for the longest time. If you have comments please be kind.

I once lived with an addict. Yes you read that right. I used to live with an addict. It’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about. I think the most difficult thing about it was I had no idea. None. For months the person I lived with was hurting, struggling, becoming lost. I was so naive, they mask that they wore was so realistic. More than convincing. I would ask if something was wrong. The answers were usually the same, headache, feeling sick, tired from work.

All of that seemed like just regular aches. I’d never met anyone who used drugs before. I thought some of the behavior was odd, sure but thought it was part of their personality. Thought it was one of the quirks. Thought that they loved me. Looking back at certain moments where something felt off I can see the differences in behavior now. During the those moments I never thought twice. I never listened to my gut.

When the truth finally came out things got messy. I was beyond upset, I felt betrayed and I was hurting. The secret had been kept for almost a year. We hadn’t even been living together very long. Despite all of those emotions I had to look at the bigger picture. He came to me for help. He wanted to get better, be in rehab. I felt like if I broke up with him during this point he might not be able to get that help. There was guilt that I felt for not recognizing the signs. Guilt that I didn’t get him help sooner.

The detox period was just awful. There was a lot of getting sick. I got blamed for helping. Lashed out at on a constant basis. Told that I could never love the sober version. Made to feel guilty for being upset at the situation. The constant back and forth of emotions was wearing me out. The anger coming from him was making me so stressed I’d get sick. I got to the point where I could no longer take it. I could no longer take someone treating me like that.

I pulled away. I shrunk into myself. I was so ashamed of being in the situation. I felt like I couldn’t tell my parents. Couldn’t tell my friends. I was lying all the time about why he wasn’t with me. I knew that I could not stay with someone who was trying to drag me down. When it ended at first I was so worried that he would OD. I would somehow get blamed, or I would feel like it was my fault. It such an overwhelming feeling to be consumed with both relief and guilt.

When it all ended and I was able to look back and finally see how everything had gotten so mixed up. I was angry with myself for not seeing the signs sooner. To opening myself up to someone who broke my trust and letting a toxic situation into my life. I had so much anger and I don’t want to carry that around. Addicts don’t always recognize the pain that they cause others.

Whatever the addiction is it’s hurting them and they need help. My ex needed me at his lowest moment to help him. It was messy, painful and a literal emotional roller coaster. Yet it got him professional help, the help that he needed. It wasn’t a lighter chapter in my life. I didn’t share for sympathy. I shared in case someone is going through the same struggles. To help shed some light on what it’s like seeing someone go through their addiction. To hopefully help someone, anyone see that they are not alone.

 

The British are coming…in 2018

Well not quite yet, they aren’t even really British they just live in the UK with a British duck. My friend and her son are going to be riding Nessie over for a summer visit! Actually they’ll be flying because Nessie is getting too old to be giving rides anymore. I heard she needs some spinal surgery, poor old gal.

Anyways I’m very excited to get to spend some time with them once they land. We usually get to hang out multiple different times and go to movies and such when they are over visiting family so that will be a great time. Eventually I would like to make a trip over to her new home and see some sites. It’s on my bucket list. Do you have friends who live far away? Have you had the chance to see them?

On one hand

You have five fingers. I have five more days until vacation. While I am more than excited to go I feel like my anxiety is kicking in a lot little. I know part of my anxiousness is being excited to go and explore and part of it is the irrational thoughts that pop up in my brain. Here’s a glimpse of my overthinking and my counter arguments:

What if I get lost in the city? ~highly doubtful my boyfriend would let that happen

What if I get claustrophobic on the plane? ~solution take something for anxiety before takeoff if needed

What if I forget to pack something? ~lady are you crazy there will be stores that you can get whatever is necessary for

There’s a lot of what if situations that seem to have reared their ugly little heads to get my attention but I’m determined to try live in the moment and enjoy every bit. I don’t want to worry about work. I don’t want to worry that I’m worrying. I just want to let if be and have fun.

How do you talk yourself down when your getting anxious? Out loud to yourself, to family or friends?

BFF (Bring french fries)

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They also steal your fries.

It’s national Best Friends Day!

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Friends are the people that help you along your journey. They support you, love you and point out when you’re being pigheaded if needed. If you’re lucky enough to have close friends they are pretty much your family. They are your shoulders to cry on and the people you fight for.

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You might fight and not speak for awhile. You might talk to each other every single day. You share laughter and tears. Your hopes and your fears. I’m very blessed to have such a great group of people who are more than just my friends. They are my family too.

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If wishes were fishes we’d all be fed

There are lots of things out there that one can wish for. Hope for, work for, and even want for. Wishing on stars, dandelions, birthday candles, etc. When we were younger most of of made wishes for toys, trinkets & maybe even puppies. As we get older the idea of wishing for something fades. Some people wish for material things, some wish for to solve things a little bit bigger. What would you wish for?

Make A Wish

Catch a falling star

Make a little secret wish

Hoping it comes true